I always thought the idea of a surprise baby was really sweet and romantic. Asher, our second baby, and then Silas were not surprises, and I assumed we’d probably never have one that was. Then we got the news that Finn was on his way a mere two and half weeks after Thane got home from his last deployment to Afghanistan, and though we definitely wanted him, we certainly didn’t anticipate him coming so quickly! So, he was a semi-surprise.
Oh my goodness. I’m not sure I would have been more surprised had a literal stork crashed through my bathroom window with a packaged newborn. We generally planned on remaining a family of five and were very, very happy and content with our three little boys. I’ll admit that I had no idea what I was going to do when Finn was no longer a baby, because he is my snuggle bug! But I assumed that any additional babies- if they ever came- would be a surprise a ways down the road. A ways.
But January was not that far down the road at all.
It all started with Thane making a few very silly comments about me being pregnant, which I adamantly denied. I thought there was- maybe– a 1% chance that he was right, but 1% might as well be zero so clearly he was just making silly comments because he was bored and had nothing else to talk about. Then we had a weirdly serious conversation about it one evening, so just to put it to rest I decided to take a test when I woke up the next morning. I had one sitting there on the bathroom shelf, about to expire. Knowing it would be a complete waste, I almost didn’t take it. Then decided that $1 down the drain was worth getting this crazy idea out of Thane’s head.
Well… When two pink lines showed up on that thing so fast that I couldn’t even process what I was seeing, I dug the box out of the trash to look at the instructions. This is far from my first round with reading pregnancy test results but extreme shock + pregnancy brain aren’t a great combination, so I just stood there, dumbstruck. Later that day I decided it must have been a faulty test (since it was old) and so I bought a new one just to be sure. Two more pink lines. By then it was starting to sink in, but it was very bewildering in the beginning. I truly did not see it coming, at all, and I’m not used to be caught so off guard!
It took me a little while to get used to the idea… I can’t say I felt ready for another big life change, not in the slightest. We stepped onto one giant roller coaster ride last April when Finn was born, rode it all the way to Germany when we headed overseas six weeks later, and then spent six months trying to put all the pieces of our life back together once we got here. And as of January, I was just starting to feel on top of things again. I guess that’s why God thought it was a good time for the next curve ball, hahaha! One thing is for sure; He’s thrown us lots and lots of big surprises these past couple of years. One of these days- perhaps- our life will get more predictable again. But until then, I guess we’ll just go with it!
It’s definitely been a struggle to keep my head above water these past couple of months, I can’t deny that. I shared a little bit about what it’s like to be taking care of three very active little boys in the dead of winter while enduring the first trimester in my last post. But I’m doing my best to trust in God’s plan, to stay focused on the big picture, and to remember what a gift this is. Whether this is another little boy that I wouldn’t trade for the world or the little girl that I never expected to have, wow! I never pictured myself as a mom of four, but I guess one of the great thrills and blessings of life is never knowing what’s around the bend.
And on that note, please pray for me. I need it!